


Keen on Kilt

by Ottermidnight



Series: Inside a Gentleman Wardrobe [2]
Category: Kingsman (Movies)
Genre: Arthurian Reference, Bad Dirty Talk, Dirty Jokes, Dirty Thoughts, Harry Hart is a Little Shit, Insult Kink, M/M, Praise Kink, Taxi, Voyeurism, kilt, kilt kink, self-made grenade
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-08-15
Updated: 2016-08-15
Packaged: 2018-08-08 22:57:45
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,206
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7776973
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ottermidnight/pseuds/Ottermidnight
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“So how does it feel like to wear a skirt?” Out of the comfortable tranquility Harry, Eggsy and Merlin had shared for the first halfway to the destination, a question was asked because Eggsy was bored.</p><p>“Lad, this is not a skirt. This is a kilt. ” Judging by his tone, Eggsy’s inquiry had offended Merlin’s Scottish pride. His accent became thicker and defensive as he answered his young lover. </p><p>“I don't see any difference.” Eggsy pretended to be innocent because he knew he would always get away with his naive angelic charm every time. </p><p>“My dear boy, the difference between a skirt and a kilt is you don’t wear any pants under a kilt.” Harry whispered it into Eggsy’s ear like it was the secret of the universe so Merlin would be able to hear it and it watered Eggsy's mouth.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Keen on Kilt

**Author's Note:**

> I started this fic on May 18 and just finished it today! I put all my heart and soul. into it
> 
> Seriously, this world needs more ‘KILT KINK’ and Merhartwin! That’s the only reason why I wrote this fanfic! I want to read a Kingsman fanfic where Merlin wears a kilt, but I haven't found one yet so I wrote my own.
> 
> Okay, let's start with I'm not okay so I start writing this fanfic because who could be standoffish when your Twitter timeline has been bombarded with Harry's in a pink waistcoat, Merlin dresses as a Royal Highland Fusilier and Eggsy's in the military uniform. OMG! All my dirty kinks had come TRUE IN ONE SINGLE MOVIE! *CRIES*
> 
> *Warning: English is not my first language and this fanfic is unbetaed. If you find any mistake please tell me and I will fix it.*

Eggsy sat in the backseat of the taxi, sitting comfortably between his companions, Merlin and Harry. Merlin was on his left and Harry was on his right. There was no other place Eggsy would rather be, unless the space between his lover's thighs did count.

The lad rested his head on Merlin’s shoulder indolently while his right hand entwined with Harry's slightly bigger hand. They were now heading to the gala cocktail of the British Tailor Society. Harry as the Arthur and Merlin as his secretary; their presence were essential. Eggsy was an addition, an embellishment to prevent Harry and Merlin from being   
__  
bored to death.  


On the top of that, Eggsy was rather curious than excited, he had never been to a gala that he wouldn't have to seduce or steal before. It would be something new for the young Galahad. On the other hand, Merlin was the most reluctant one to attend the evening gala. The tech-wizard hated  _ small talks _ , but he hated  _ business talks _ even more.

It’s an annual event and Arthur’s duty to attend it. Chester King used to go to the gala every year. He never missed it, not even once in twenty-three years of his reign. Which was not a surprise, Chester King loved galas, parties and socialise with other snobs; and he was also good at these things. Especially, when it came to spending Kingsman’s budget on entertaining  _ his kind of people _ . The kind of people Eggsy had once accused of looking down at  _ his kind of people _ from the ivory tower.

“I’ve more important matters to be taking care of than to entertain a herd of ignorant fat avuncular tailors and toffs who couldn't even tell the differences between merino wool and cashmere even after fucking touching them.” They were disdained and disgusted by Merlin.

But those days under Chester King’s regime were behind. As people always say  _ ‘The King is dead. Long live the King.’ _ The endorsement of the roundtable took place after the V-Day by Merlin and the remaining knights. They accepted Eggsy as the new Galahad and promoted Merlin as their new Arthur. Though Merlin wasn't so pleased to receive the title, he took the throne and been crowned as the new king.

Merlin preferred to be the  _ Merlin _ rather than any other position but when the duty had called for, he needed to fulfill it for the sake of Kingsman. Any intelligence organisation without a leader would only be a piece of pie for all sorts villains and its rivals. He was officially the Arthur for eight months, by the time Harry decided to resurrect himself miraculously and made a grandiose coming back by walking back into their shop on Savile Row like everything was fine. Like he hadn't got shot in his head.

“They are imbeciles and unworthy.” Accused Merlin.

Eggsy had never seen anyone burst out on the account of animal wool like Merlin did before in his entire life. The young Galahad was half perplexed and half amused. To him, they were all just wool. Just animal hair. Just the fucking fur or whatever their other synonyms are. They all looked the same and felt the same to him, but he had no plan to give his opinions a voice for Merlin to be heard. Who knows what Merlin  _ would do _ or  _ wouldn't do  _ with him afterward.

The memory of the punishment was steamy hot from the last time Eggsy crossed Merlin. Everything was still fresh on Eggsy’s mind. It made Eggsy shiver every time he thought about it.

Later on, when Harry began to speak about Merlin’s family history in Scotland, Eggsy finally understood. 

Since 1849, Kingsman tailor had clothed the most powerful individuals and Merlin’s family had begun supplying more than two third of Kingsman fabrics, included the bulletproof fabrics for every agent. 

Merlin’s great great great grandfather started his trade in Hawick, the border mill towns of Scotland. That was ten years early before he had become a supplier for Kingsman. He started his business with twenty-five logs he purchased local lumbermen to make four knitting frames, one for his wife and the other three for his employees. Within ten year time, his business expanded massively, he had more than a hundred employees and seventy knitting frames to manage; And that was before he received a letter with refined hand-writing addressed to him from a gentleman he didn’t know in London under the name ‘Lord Hart’, Harry’s great great great grandfather. Later on, they became business partners and then good friends for the rest of their lives.

In 1918, it was Merlin’s grandfather who first brought up the idea of this innovation that had saved Kingsman agent lives innumerable times, but it was his son, Merlin’s father that succeeded on weaving the first prototype fabric. Back in his father’s time, they weaved plain and single colour in each lot by hands. His father employed a hundred and fifty people to work five days a week and eight hours on each day to supply Kingsman the bulletproof fabric. Of course, that was before Merlin had developed an advance industrial weaving machine that could not only weave faster than any human, but it could weave any sophisticated pattern that the Kingsman Textile Department could design. The passion for textile ran deep in Merlin’s blood and even deep in his soul.

“These people are morons. The SODDING  disgrace and insult to the human race.” Merlin continued on. Nobody could stop him until he was done. 

Eggsy’s mind shifted back from his memory to the current where Harry’s warm coarse fingers wrapped around his hand. Eggsy and Harry took their turn with hand-squeezing Morse code game, making fun of how red and hilarious Merlin’s scalp whenever he was angry like they were a pair of high school girls. They were used to Merlin’s acting like an unmarried old fussy cat lady with ten cats as her only companion. Three of them had been living with Merlin for three years.

“They weren't in possession of even a single brain cell since before they crawled out from the wombs. This is why I think abortion should be legal.” Merlin let out the last gush of wrath before he finally dropped out of the subject and got on with hacking into North Korea’s military satellite system from his mobile phone. Merlin broke their outdated firewall in fourteen seconds which officially his new record, but he was not completely satisfied with fourteen seconds yet. Merlin thought he could have done better than that, so he was going to aim for seven seconds next time. 

Apart from being the leader and the quartermaster of an independent international intelligence agency operating at the highest level of discretion without politics and bureaucracy that undermine the intelligence of government-run spy organisations, Harry and Merlin were also the current owner and PR director of  a high-end and sophisticated tailor shop on Savile Row road called ‘Kingsman’. The shop was their cover and one of the channels that had been generating large capital to their organisation. Therefore, tonight, they had to dress to impress. It's essential to show Kingsman’s clients and potential business partners that they were still taking their business seriously as the opinion leader and the trend influencer of the high quality bespoke menswear, especially in suits.

Harry was in a crisp Italian cut smoky grey suit and a charcoal black tartan velvet necktie that matched with Merlin’s side pleated kilt and Eggsy's five button waistcoat. The charcoal black tartan velvet fabric they were wearing to the event was one of their latest fabric from the Kingsman next year winter collection. In the tailoring and high-end fashion industries, you always have to work at least a year ahead. The textile designer department of Kingsman predicted the colours and trends for next year said charcoal black and smoky grey for the colour trend and Scottish tartan pattern for the textile trend were going to come back in the trend. Merlin was elated and overjoyed with his Scottish pride, to see the traditional weaving techniques being brought back on the runway again.  

“So how does it feel like to wear a skirt?” Out of the comfortable tranquility Harry, Eggsy and Merlin had shared for the first halfway to the destination, a question was asked because Eggsy was bored so he tried to be speculative and a little puckish about what Merlin was currently wearing for the gala. A tux and a kilt. “Wanna know. Never wore one before.”

“Lad, this is not a  **_skirt. This is a kilt._ ** ” Judging by his tone, Eggsy’s inquiry had offended Merlin’s Scottish pride. His accent became thicker and defensive as he answered his young lover.  

“I don't see any difference.” Eggsy pretended to be innocent by cocking his head a little bit to his right as Daisy would do when she is curious. Eggsy copied her move and facial expression on purpose because he knew he would always get away with his naive angelic charm every time.

“Ye have a lot more to learn, Eggsy.” Sighed Merlin at the lad. Harry giggled like he was a blonde girl in grade 9 at the pair of them and Eggsy smiled at Harry. Undoubtedly, This was one of the occasions that Merlin wished to wipe the cheeky smirk out from Eggsy’s rosy lips so badly.

“Our boy is a fast learner, Merlin. You don't have to worry.” Eggsy purred at Harry's praise and melt into a kiss on the back of his ear right where Harry was kissing him, the spot behind his ears were his Achilles heels.

“My dear boy, the difference between a skirt and a kilt is you don’t wear any pants under a kilt.” Harry whispered it into Eggsy’s ear like it was the secret of the universe so Merlin would not be able to hear it.

_ What would he find if he lifted up or put his hand under Merlin’s kilt? _

Suddenly, Eggsy’s mouth was dried as Harry’s words had conjured the dirty thoughts from the darkest place. As Eggsy slowly licked his dried lips, a bullet grazed past only three millimeters away from Eggsy’s right ear. He felt the wave of gust wind rushing into his earlobe and on his cheek before the bullet hit the taxi driver’s head. His perfectly combed back sandy blonde hair was disheveled in a split second. Some hair even fell into his eyes, which he used his free hand to push the lock of hair backward haphazardly in one graceful motion like he was a model in the middle of photo shooting. Not  _ bullet _ shooting.

“Shit!” Eggsy cursed aloud after he reached his hand over to find the taxi driver’s pulse on his neck. No pulse. Not everyone would be lucky to survive a shot in the head like Harry did. The man was dead and that meant no one was driving the car.

The driver’s hands fell off the wheel and the car began to drift off the road. “The driver’s a fucking dead meat! Get the wheel! Eggsy!” The shouting came from Merlin while he and Harry were shooting at the two black Porsche Cayenne behind their taxi.

"Eggsy, you take the wheel. Merlin and I will take care of the rest." Said Harry in his devilishly smooth voice that was absolutely the opposite of Merlin’s holler a few seconds ago.

“Fuck! It’s not as easy as it seems to be!” Eggsy bent over to unbuckled the dead man seatbelt.

Harry made an offer to Eggsy. “Be a good boy, Eggsy. And you might get a treat at the end of the night.” Of course, Eggsy always wanted to be Harry’s good boy and he would do just anything for Harry’s praises. Hearing one of Harry’s praises was a spiritual experience for Eggsy like attending a sabbath or a sermon. It was as delightful as Merlin’s spanks and the second best damn feeling next to orgasm.

“You ain’t going to need that anymore, bruv.” After Eggsy freed the dead man from the seatbelt, he unlocked and opened the front door on the driver side. The body was discarded from the car in one push. “Sorry, mate. You gotta go.”

Eggsy adjusted the rearview mirror for his own convenience, but there was nothing he could do with the warm bloody sodden seat he was sitting in. He could see two cars and two machine guns behind him much much better. And also the dead body he just kicked out. Eggsy watched the corpse made several round flips like a seal in the aquarium before one of the two black Porsche Cayenne ran over it. The innards bursted out of the corpse’s abdomen, dispersing blood clots and red gummy tissues all over the road.

“Fucking HELL!” Eggsy cursed aloud. It was almost a shout. “I’ll send your flowers later, mate. Promise.” He said under his breath and made a small saluted at the rearview mirror. “R.I.P” Guilt had formed in Eggsy’s stomach and sickened him. The young Galahad felt sorry for the man and his family. Though, his family could still use the open casket for his funeral. The next group of people he thought about was the Kingsman clearance team. Right, he almost forgot them, scrubbing the human mess out of the tarmac at night would not be the most enjoyable task for everyone.

While Eggsy was trying to figure out how many people would be involved in this incident, the second black Porsches Cayenne crushed the dead taxi skull open. “Oh, hell…” Eggsy could see everything from crystal-clear from the rearview mirror. The man skull crushed open under the front wheel like a walnut under the nutcracker. It seemed less likely that this poor man’s family would be using the open casket at the service. If, of course, the man’s family could identify his corpse for the service. “I’m so fucking sorry!” Eggsy sighed bitterly. “I will go to your service!” He said out loud as if the dead man could have heard him. Lesson learned. Next time, Eggsy would be treating any corpse with a better care.

“Stop playing around, Eggsy! These bastards are armed with heavy weapons behind our rear!” Merlin scowled at Eggsy while he was shooting their followers with two Tokarev TT-30, one in each hand.      

“I’M NOT!” Retorted Eggsy. The young Galahad rose his eyebrows and knitted together. He was about to justify himself at the same time Merlin poked his bald head outside the car to throw a lighter hand grenade at one of the two Porsche Cayennes behind them.

The lighter landed on the gap between the glossy black Porsche bonnet and the windscreen next to the wiper, beeping the red light. It hadn’t activated yet. Eggsy knew it would be hard for Merlin to hear anything but the shooting. So he bit his tongue and Merlin went on saying something. “I saw ye…” Merlin tried to say something. Even though, it was impossible for Eggsy to catch the rest of it.

The lighter grenade went off and the targeted Porsche exploded. “What?” Eggsy yelled exasperatedly behind the wheel before he made a sharp left turn at the crossroad to evade a civilian car. He hissed at his ringing ears. 

Harry accidentally dropped his gun at the sharp turn. "BLOODY BABOON BOLLOCKS!" Harry's cursing had become more colourful and creative in such an unpredictable way that neither Eggsy nor Merlin could make a guess what would be the next word since he came back from Kentucky, and Merlin wanted to blame it all on Valentine's bullet. 

A curse flew out of Harry’s mouth effortlessly. “I lost my gun. Beggar.” For a man who had always dressed in a crisp three-piece bespoke suit, it was hard to believe that Harry could curse like a sailor. 

“MERLIN! I CAN'T HEAR YOU, GUV. I’M NEITHER A DOG NOR SUPERMAN. I DON'T HAVE  SUPER- SODDING -HEARING!” This time, it seemed like Eggsy’s yelling reached Merlin’s ears. The quartermaster pulled his head back into the taxi with a frown. He leant in very close to the young Galahad from the backseat. Close enough for Merlin to place his mouth next to Eggsy’s ear.

“It seems like ye’ve forgotten an important lesson, lad. What did I tell ye to do when you have a complaint?” Merlin was  _ fucking _ close. Eggsy heard in crystal-clear so as his own rattling heartbeats and the smell of fading the milk tea he had before they left the shop in his breath as he spoke to him. The young Galahad did not know how but it turned him on every time Merlin whispering something into his ear, literally, anything. Work related. Lessons. Dirty talk or even a _ fucking  _ tedious shopping list. Merlin would always turn him on with his whispering magic trick.

Eggsy felt the heat creeping up at his crotch and hissed. He knew he was going to be miserable throughout the rest of the cat and mouse chase before his release would come.  _ Thanks the fuck it all to Merlin! _

A smirk appeared on Merlin’s lips. He knew it all, how to tease and stimulate his precious egg. “My, my, ye’re naughty boy. Never learn your lessons and must be punished.” Eggsy could swear to God that he didn’t believe in that if Merlin whispered only one more fucking minute in his ear with the same manner he could have cum untouched.

But Merlin withdrew to the backseat. “It looks like ye’re not going to have your milk in bed tonight when we get home.” Eggsy swallowed.  _ Damn it.  _ Tonight was going to be another bloody long night. And only God and three of them would know what kind of milk they were talking about.

“I should have brought lighters with me. Things would be much easier.” Sighed Harry.

“You know we could have been sipping 1989 Moët et Chandon with canapés right now.” Added Eggsy.

An emptied Tokarev TT-30 magazine fell on the backseat and followed by a groan. “Merlin, my love. Do you happen to store some ammunition in the  _ usual place _ ?” Harry needed more bullets and he needed it now.

"Help yourself." Answered Merlin, before he leant out of the taxi and started shooting at their rival again.

“That’s my Merl.” A cunning smile was formed on Harry’s lip. If they were in another kind of situation that did not involve eluding bullets with the baddies, Harry would be even happier to receive such an answer from his lover.

Hastily, Harry reached under Merlin’s kilt in order to search for the ammunition that was attached to the garter on his leg.

At the time Eggsy tried to look at the black Porsche Cayenne that had been following them, he realised he did not have the right mirror with him anymore.  _ All jolly good _ . He shifted his eyes back to the road in front of him and turned on the radio. No sound came out of it. As dead as its former driver. Thought Eggsy, he hoped he was not going to be the next one on the list for tonight. But if he were meant to be next, there was one thing he would want to know so he decided to ask. “So...you’re not wearing any pants?” Eggsy asked casually. As if they were not in the middle between life and death.

Merlin knew precisely that the question was addressed to him. He elaborately ignored it while dodging two bullets before they hit him right in his face and that was when the third bullet grazed his jowl and left a cut on its way out.

"I AM TRYING TO SHOOT HERE, EGGSY!" 

" I have to stay focus and ye are driving. So why don't ye just shut up and drive?" Merlin traced fingers along his jowl. It would take more than a graze to hurt Merlin. Though, He bled a thin line of blood.

"I'm just curious and if I died tonight, I would never know it!" Eggsy whined at his quartermaster and lover. The lad could kill for the answer. Whether wearing no pants under a kilt is a poppycock or the lolly-sweet truth, Eggsy was dying to hear from Merlin.

The blood on Merlin’s finger was licked off clean by the man own tongue. Merlin did not want to taint his handkerchief. He could not even remember when was the last time he bled. It must have been years. The thrill and adrenaline were pumping through his veins. These guys needed to pay handsomely; their lives would be the only acceptable currency. 

“In that case, I’d crave the answer on your stone for ye.” The sarcasm was Merlin’s second nature.

“How thoughtful.” And all Eggsy could do was loved Merlin more.

"STOP IT!” Merlin snapped out.

“Wow, no needs for shouting, guv. I may not have the super hearing but I am not deaf either.” Eggsy slowed the car down. At the moment, The car was at 150 km/ hr. Braking it too fast could cause an undesirable outcome.

“No. No.” Merlin protested, trying his best to push his needy groan down his throat as Harry’s clever fingers roamed around the vague smooth skin under a layer hair. His move wasn’t eager or lingering. Harry had his own searching rhythm which is more like a tease from Merlin’s point of view. “I didn’t mean ye, Eggsy, or the car!.”

“HARRY, STOP IT! Ye fucking bastard! That’s not the bloody gun you’re holding!" Merlin groaned animistically at Harry's hand in his kilt. Harry had got his sinful hand on something else that was clear not Merlin’s hidden gun.

“Wot?” Eggsy did not understand what was going on and his accent defaulted to his original Southern Londoner accent. Hearty and thick.

_ For fuck’s sake, there was only one fucking gun under my kilt.  _ Thought Merlin.

“Sorry, I can’t tell the difference. I just tried to grab the hardest thing.” Said Harry as naive as he could. Even though, he put no effort to hide the wily grin on his face.

As Eggsy slowed their car down, the black Porsche Cayenne got closer to their taxi rear, only a feet away. Eggsy had to hit the accelerator pedal as hard as he could to regain his speed back. 

Therefore, Harry and Merlin were hauled back against the backseat in one boisterous thud. That was why Merlin banged his head against the side window and Harry got his face buried in the kilt.

The young Galahad was furious. “JESUS HEAVEN IN MY ARSE! YOU COULD HAVE TO GET US KILL!” Obviously, Eggsy was not aware of what was going on behind his seat at all. 

On the other hand, Harry began to wonder what Eggsy meant by saying  _ 'Jesus heaven in my arse.' _ , the exact phrase Eggsy would scream out before he’s about to come. Different circumstance. Different context.  _ Interesting. _ and  _ a food for thought. _ Thought Harry, with his face buried deep between Merlin’s thighs

At the time Eggsy was done with adjusting his rear view mirror for the second time so he could get the clearer picture of what the HELL was going on, he swore another lot. “GORBLIMEY! BELL WANKERS!” His jaw parted and dropped down, creating a gap that might be big enough for one up to two yellow mustard canary to build a nest and call it a house in there.

“THIS IS NOT THE BLOODY TIME FOR A BJ!” Eggsy tore his sight from the rear view mirror to focus on the road. “NOT WITHOUT ME!” The last part Eggsy added was actually the part that pissed him off the most.

Harry made a noise that neither Eggsy nor Merlin could comprehend under Merlin’s kilt. Eggsy could not tell whether Harry was trying to say something to him or he was basically suffocating between Merlin’s thighs.

Here it came, a luscious whining from Merlin. Eggsy was half disgusted and half amazed, so he reached up to adjust the rearview mirror to get the best view of what was going on at the backseat of the car again. 

The wizard face was flushed in a lovely shade of red. Now Merlin was nothing short of the word  _ ‘edible’ _ . Eggsy’s grip tightened on the wheel and took in a deep breath. He kept persuading himself or at least his part between his two legs to concentrate on the road ahead instead of wanking off.

With each of his hand gripped on each of Merlin’s thighs, Harry pushed himself up graciously like he was princess Ariel in 1989 Disney’s The Little Mermaid trying to rise up from the sea for the first time. Harry was still Harry  _ fucking _ Hart, the prim and proper with only his glasses slightly askew on the bridge of his nose. Not even one of his hair was misplaced as he began to speak with his smooth, yet cheeky tone. “I might have just seen the Excalibur.” Harry let out a baritone hum.

“Pish off! Numpty.” Huffed Merlin.

_ Has Harry ever told Merlin how much he loves to listen to his Scottish insults? Even when he calls Harry ‘An idiot’.  _ Harry believed he hadn’t told Merlin yet because there was no use to spell out what his lover already knew for ages. After all these years, Harry was still the same masochistic dobber with an insult and a kilt kinks from the first day they had met until now to his last day.   

“In the name of Arthur, I am honoured to inform thee, my knight, Sir Galahad of the roundtable that Merlin, our almighty wizard is currently doeth wear no pants under his kilt.” Harry used his spurious authoritative Arthur mocking tone mixed with Medieval verbs to address Eggsy.  _ By his tone, he sounded serious. By his context, he was obscene. _

Suddenly, Eggsy felt truly sorry for T.H. White, the author of ‘The Once and Future King’ who gave birth to the idea of valiant chivalric virtue. From now on, Eggsy would not be able to look at the legend of King Arthur and the Knights of the Roundtable the same way again. A speech, and so as his brain seemed to be lost in somewhere between the virtue and fantasy.

The moments were passed by the time Eggsy found the words he had lost. “Arry, you know that’s lewd even by your standard.” Commented Eggsy, after he finally understood what Harry was trying to say from the beginning.

“Apologies, Merlin, my love. It was an accident.” Harry’s tone was purely naive and sincere while adjusting his askew glasses on the bridge of his nose then he offered Merlin his hand as any true gentleman would do in such a situation. 

“Was it?” Merlin narrowed his eyes down balefully at his Arthur. Not a fragment of his mind believed in Harry’s words. And the wizard ignored the hand.

The new load of shooting began once more. “Just another friendly reminder, the baddies are still on our tail.” Eggsy reminded them with solemnity.  

“Right.” Nodded Harry, he seemed to be standoffish and content as usually. In his head, he already made up a plan of how to take care of the Porsche Cayenne behind them. In order for his plan to be succeeded, Harry needed to acquire two more objects. One from Eggsy and another one from Merlin.

“Merlin, do you still have a lens cleaning spray with you? And Eggsy, could you please hand me your signet ring?” Harry asked his lovers courteously and a little bit too formal to apply with their present circumstance. But no one cared. Hence, Merlin responded his request without a question, but with a sigh and handed him the lens cleaning spray from his pocket.

Quizzically, Eggsy rose his right eyebrow up. “Why don’t just use yours?” The young Galahad did not quite understand.

“Merlin would not be pleased if I blew my engagement ring up into pieces.” From his rearview mirror, Eggsy could see the blush on Harry’s jowls and a prideful smile on his lips.

At the moment, Eggsy thought there must be something wrong with his sight because  _ Harry was blushing. _ “WOT!?” He could not believe in his eyes.

“I didn’t propose you. I just basically asked you to try on the prototype of Kingsman signet ring!” Merlin corrected Harry and looked away within a second after Eggsy’s exclamation.

“It’s a long story, my dear boy. Perhaps, another time.” Harry said sheepishly. He did not look at Merlin or Eggsy, instead, he made himself busy with the label on the lens cleaning spray he got from Merlin. The spray contained two inflammable gases. Shooting at the spray would be enough to ignite a football-sized fireball.

“Like I’ve said earlier tonight, there’re a lot ye need to learn.” Merlin began.

“From us, darling.” And added Harry with the kind of enchanting smile that could make every flower in the Regent’s Park bloom.  

_ And a lifetime might not be enough. _

Eggsy had not handed his signet ring to Harry yet. So Harry had to ask him twice. “The ring please, Eggsy.” The young Galahad finally took the golden shiny signet ring out of his right pinky finger and gave it to Harry. The signet ring would simply enhance energy and enlarge the explosion. If Harry’s rough calculation was right, his self-made grenade would be able to immobilise the black Porsche Cayenne.

By using his clever fingers, Harry bundled Eggsy’s signet ring and Merlin’s lens cleaning spray in his white Kingsman handkerchief with the black rim, then he handed the bundle to Merlin. “The honour is yours.” Partly, it’s because Merlin was the only one in the taxi with a functional gun. Merlin took the bundle with a frown.

Merlin threw the bundle at the Porsche Cayenne and tried to shoot it with all the bullets he had left. The first two shots missed the bundle by a couple of millimeters. It was the third shot and the last bullet he had that finally hit the target. The bundle blasted into a big frame ball and the black Porsche Cayenne caught fire. A few seconds later, it exploded into shreds. No survivals.

“SPLENDID!” Merlin cried out like he just won a gold medal from the Men’s ten-meter air rifle shooting Olympic, he completely ignored his two misses.   

“You’re slipping, dear.” Nothing could slip past Harry’s sharp eyes. For Harry, every miss would always be counted. He would not miss any open opportunity to tease Merlin.

It was unlike Merlin to miss his mark not only once, but twice in seven-meter range, even Merlin, himself could see so. 

“I wouldn’t miss at closer range.” Merlin gritted his teeth, pointing the gun right at Harry’s heart. “Like this.” The trigger was pulled but the gun was blank.

“I doubt you would.” Harry leaned towards Merlin and captured Merlin’s lips with his own. It took only one soft nibble on his bottom lip to set Merlin off into a heated kiss. 

  
One day, Merlin swore to God he had never believed in that he would take his revenge, but like what Harry had said to Eggsy eariler.  _ ‘Perhaps, another time.’ _

**Author's Note:**

> There might be a small sequel so Eggsy could avenge Merlin and Harry for having funny at the backseat without him. If I could find some time and energy to write.
> 
> Thank you for reading. Comments and kudos are welcome.


End file.
